Boy in the bath with his mum. Boy says, "Whats that hairy thing mum ?"
Mum replies, "That is my sponge."
"Oh yes," says the boy, "The babysitters got one, I've seen her washing dads face with it ."

What's the difference between a cheerleader and a wash-machine...?
A wash-machine doesn't follow you around after you dump a load in it.....

Lady goes to doctor with a bee up her fanny.
Doc says, "Im gonna rub honey on my d*ck and insert it, when the bee smells it, I'll pull out and he'll follow."
Doctor starts and woman begins to moan. Doctor gets faster and harder.
Woman yells, "What the f*ck you doing?"
Doc says, "Change of plan, I'm gonna drown the bastard."

A mother was arguing with her teenager and finally she reaches breaking point and blurts out, " I should swallowed you when i had the chance!"

Little Sally came home from school with a proud smile on her face.
She told her mum, "Frankie Brown showed me his willy today."
Before mum could raise a concern sally said, "It reminded me of a peanut....."
With a secret smile mum asked, "Was it really small?"
Sally replied, "No... really salty!"

Man gives blood too save his wifes life.
Few months later they are divorced.
Husband says too wife, "I want my blood back you B*TCH!"
Wife throws the tampon at him and says, "I will pay you back monthly you B*STARD."

Naughty boy draws a p*nis on a black board.
Lady teacher rubs it off.
Next day he draws a bigger one and writes:

Two doctors are having s*x, he says to her, "You must be a surgeon, you washed your hands before and after."
She replies, "Well you must be an anesthetist, because I didn't feel a f*cking thing!"

Q. Why doesn't Santa have any children?
A. Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down the chimney.

What is the geographical definition of s*x?
Ans: It is an action done by the polland in the holland between the thailand with the little help of greece.

A guy fills out an application for E-harmony to meet the ladies.
E-harmony rejected his application because he failed to answer question 14 properly.
The question was, "What do you like most in a woman."
The man replied, "My d*ck."

There is this guy and he wants to marry a girl but he is bad at choosing girls so he has a contest.
First one to get as many ping pong balls as they can is my wife.
The first girl brings back a whole bucket of them. the guy goes good, good.
The 2 girl brings back a truck load of ping pong balls. He says, "Wow that will be hard to beat."
Then the 3 girl comes back all bloody and bruised and is holding 2 big bloody things.
The guy says, "What are those, I said ping pong balls."
"Oh,"Says the 3 girl, "I thought you said King Kong's balls."

Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A: Because they don't have balls to scratch.

Man walking into bedroom sees wife packing a case.
He asks, "Where are you going?"
She replies, "I'm going to New York, I've heard pr*stitutes get $400 a time for what I do for free."
The man starts packing case.
Wife asks, "Where are you going?"
He replies, "I'm coming to just to see how are going to live on $800 a year."

Based on statistics, the most used s*xual position among married couples is doggy style

- the husband sits and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead.

Two eggs boiling in a pan.
One says, "I've got a huge crack."
The other replies, "Stop teasing me, I'm not f*cking hard yet."

Been chatting to a 14 yr old on the internet.
She is funny, s*xy and flirty.
Now she tells me she is an undercover cop.
How cool is that at her age!!

A wise man once said, "You should treat your woman the way you treat your hoover!!, when it stops sucking.... change the bag."

Teacher draws a pen*s on the blackboard . does any one know what that is?
"Yes," says Tommy.
"My dad has two, a small one for weeing and a big one for cleaning the babysitters teeth."

If a woman is uncomfortable watching you m*sturbate, do you think?
A. you need more time together
B. she's a prude
C. she should have sat elsewhere on the bus

What do you call a prostitue with a runny nose?

Bloke in hospital with 60% burns, Dr. says, "Give him two Viagra."
Nurse asks, "Do you think that will help?"
Dr replies, "No but it will keep the sheets off his legs!!!"

Two blokes sitting in a bar, 1 says, "After 10 years of marriage, s*x is down to three times a year."
The other replies, "Same here pal, as a matter of fact if my wife didn't sleep with her mouth open I'd have none at all."

Boy - "dear Santa, for xmas, I would like a baby brother."
Santa - "Send me your mother."

Man comes home to his wife and says to her: "With the new pair of glasses, you look like sh.t."
"But I don't have a new pair of glasses..." she replies.
"But, I do."

A company once tried to make Chuck Norris toilet paper, but they soon realized it wouldn't work because Chuck Norris won't take shit from anyone.

What has a slice of burnt toast and a pregnant girlfriend got in common?
In both cases you wish you took it out a few seconds earlier.

What has a hundred balls and f*cks old women?

Wanna hear a dirty joke? A little boy falls into the mud
Wanna hear a clean joke? He takes a bath with bubbles
Wanna hear a dirty joke? Bubbles is Michal Jackson.

Here I sit in misty vapour in a shithouse with no paper
I have no time to sit and linger watch out asshole here comes finger.

What is the difference between a sin and shame?
It's a sin to stick it in and a shame to take it out.

Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female.
The female egg says "Look, I've got a crack"
"No good telling me" replies the male egg "I'm not hard yet"

Q. Why don't guys like to preform oral sex on a woman the morning after sex?
A. Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese sandwich?

Q. Why don't they have any toilet paper in KFC?
A. Because its finger licking good!

Q. What do a gynocologist and a pizza boy have in common?
A. They can smell it but they cant eat it!

Q. What does a dwarf get if he runs through a womans legs ???......
A. A clit around the ear and a flap across the face

Q: Why doesn't a chicken wear pants?
A: Because his pecker is on his head!

Q. What did the penis say to the condom?
A. Cover me im going in!

Q. What's the last thing that goes through a fly's mind when it hits a windscreen?
A. It's arse!

Q. What does a guy and a car have in common?
A. They both have the ability to misfire.

Q. Why do men get their great ideas in bed?
A. Because their plugged into a genius!

Q. What did one saggy tit say to the other saggy tit?
A. If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts!

Q. How can you tell when a women is having a bad day?
A. She has her tampon behind her ear,and she can`t find her cigarette.

Q. Why dont blind men skydive?
A. Because it scares the shit out of the dog

Q. What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A. Mega-saur-ass

Q. Whats the difference between a wife and a girlfriend ?
A. 3 Stone !

Q: Two black guys decide to jump off a building; who lands first?
A: Who cares?

What did the left nut say to the right nut?
The guy in the middle thinks he is so hard!

What do you call an anorexic with thrush?
A quarter pounder with cheese!

Why did the fish get kicked out of school?
Cause he was caught with seaweed.


Whats best about shagging Twenty - Eight year olds?
There is Twenty of them!

How to you make a dish washer into a snow blower?
Give the bitch a shovel

The fight we had last night was my fault,
my wife asked me what was on the TV and i said dust.

Q: A black guy and his black girlfriend are in a car. Who's driving?
A: The cop!

Q: Why are black peoples nostrils so big?
A: Because that's what God held them by when he was painting them.

Q: What do you get if you search for babboon in dictionary?
A: You get a picture of Robert Mugabe.

Q: What is black, purple,and yellow?
A: A black person goin to church.

Q: How do they make roads in South Africa?
A: They make the black people lay down and have every other one smile.

Q: What do you call a black guy who goes to college?
A: A Basketball player.

Q: How can you tell a black person is lying?
A: His lips are moving.

Q: Why are there more black folk then Indians?
A: Because we haven't played Cowboys and Black folk yet!

Q: How do you break up the "Million Man March"?
A: Fly overhead with helicopters and drop job applications.

Q: Why did the black man wear a tuxedo to his vasectomy?
A: He said: "If I'ze gonna be im-po-tent, I wanna looks im-po-tant."

Q: What do they do with blacks after they die?
A: Gut them and use them as wetsuits.

Q: What does it mean when you see a bunch of blacks running in one direction?
A: Jail break

Q: What do you call 4 black guys in a car?
A: Tinted windows.

Q: Why are black ladies pocket books so big?
A: They have to put their lipstick some where.

Q: What do u call 1,000 black people on a plane back to Africa?
A: A good start.

Q: Why are all black people fast?
A: Because the slow ones are in jail.

Q: What's long and hard on a blackman?
A: The first grade.

Q: What do you call a bunch of blacks falling down a hill?
A: A mudslide .

Q: What did the black kid get for christmas?
A: Your T.V

Q: What do you call vietnamese guy that wants to be black?
A: Vinegar!

Q: What does NAACP stand for?
A: National Association of Apes Called People

Q: What do you call a black guy with a fan?
A: Antique air conditioner

Q: What travels at 200km's a hour?
A: A black man hearing a dollar drop to the ground.

Q: What does a black person have in common with a soda machine?
A: They both don't work and always take your money.

Q: What u call 10 black people in the back of a truck?
A: A good days hunting.

Q: What do you call one black on the moon?
A: Problem

Q: What do you call ten blacks on the moon?
A: Problems

Q: What do you call the entire black population on the moon?
A: Problem solved

Q: Why dont black women wear panties to picknics?
A: To keep the flies off the chicken.

Q: What's faster then a black guy running down the street with your TV?
A: His brother behind him with the VCR

Q: Why wasnt there any blacks in the flintstones?
A: Because they were still monkeys.

Q: Why don't black kids play in sand boxs?
A: Because they are affraid the cats will try to cover them up.

Q: What do you call a bunch of black kids playing in a pile of leaves?
A: Rasin Brand.

Q: What do you call a group of black people.
A: An auction

Q: Why dont blacks celibrate thanksgiving?
A: KFC isnt open on holidays.

Q: What would martin luther king be if he was white?
A: Alive

Q: What are three things you can't give a black person?
A: A black eye, a fat lip and a job.

Q: Why do black people lean to the center of their car?
A: They think the smell is coming from the outside.

Q: Why did God give Black guy's big dicks?
A: He felt sorry for putting pubes on their heads.

Q: Why are black women like bicycles?
A: They give out free rides

Q: Ever hear about the black man who went to college?
A: Neither Have I.

Q: Why do black men have bigger penises than white men?
A: Because as kids white men had toys to play with.

Q: Why are there only two paulbears at a black guys funeral?
A: There are only two handles on a garbage can.

Q: What does FUBU really stand for?
A: Farmers used to buy us.

Q: What do you do when you see a black man with half a face?
A: Stop laughing and reload.

Q: What's the difference between bigfoot and a hard working black man?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted

Q: How many blacks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 2 one to screw it in the other to drive the pink caddilac

Q: What do you call a black man on a stick?
A: A tootsie roll pop

Q: Why are blacks so fast?
A: From running from the cops.

Q: Whats the difference between a black and tires?
A: When you put chains on tires they dont sing

Q: Did you hear about the black who died yesterday on Rt. 80?
A: He stuck his head out of the window at 100 mph and his lips beat him to death!

Q: Why are jelly beans alot like the world?
A: Because everyone hates the black ones.

Q: How do you hide something from a Black Man?
A: Put it in a book.

Q: What's the difference between a black guy and a trampoline?
A: You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the street and a dead black guy in the street?
A: There's swerve marks in front of the dog

Q: Why are black peoples hands white?
A: Because there always leening up aganst cop cars.

Q: What is the diffrence between a black guy and a pizza
A: A pizza can feed a family of four.

Q: Whats the difference between a black guy and a pothole?

A: You swerve around the pothole.

Q: What happened to the 5 black guys that drove off a cliff in a cady?
A: Who gives a shit!!

Q: What do you call 400 black people swiming in a river?
A: An oil spill

Q: Why was the black baby crying?
A: He had diarea and thought he was melting

Q: What is black white and rolls around in the sand?
A: A black man and a segal fighting over a carp

Q: What do you call 9 black guys hanging in a tree???
A: An alabama windchime

Q: How many black people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: The lights out, how can u count them?

Q: Why can't black's,live in the country side.
A: There's no street corners.

Q: Why can't black people spell.
A: Because there black.

Q: How do you starve a negro to death?
A: Hide his food stamps under his work boots.

Q: How do you kill 50 flys?
A: Hit a somailen in the face with a shovel

Q: What do you get if you cross an afro with a black?
A: A microphone.

Q: Why Do Blacks Hate Country?
A: Every time they here Ho-Down They think someone shot their sister

Q: Why don't black people like asprin?
A: They have to pick through cotton to get to them

Q: Why cant stevie wonder read?
A: Cuz hes black

Q: What does FUBU stand for?
A: Farmers Used to Beat Us

Q: What do you call a black man at the bottom of the ocean?
A: Polution

Q: What do you call all the black people at the bottom of the ocean?
A: Solution

Q: Why is there cotton in medicine bottles?
A: To remind the black people they were cotton pickers before they were drug dealers.

Q: Whats yellow, black in the middle and funny?
A: A school bus full of blacks driving off a cliff

Q: What's purple and chained to my front porch?
A: It's my damn neigro and I'll paint him any color I want to.

Q: What is it called when a black women is in labour?
A: Constipation

Q: Why Are black peoples hands and feet white?
A: When God painted them he told them to assume the position.

Q: A black guy and a spanish guy are in a car whos driving?
A: The cop

Q: How do you keep black youth off the streets?
A: Put a KFC on the sidewalk

Q: What do Black lesbians have for breakfast?
A: Cocoa Muffs

Q: Whats the diffrence between a park bench and a black guy?
A: The park bench can support a family

Q: What does pontiac stand for?
A: Poor old nigger thinks its a cadillac.

What do you call an afghan virgin
Mever bin laid on

How did Burger King get Diary Queen Pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his whopper.

If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?

A New Zealander walking along the road with a sheep under each arm.
He meets another New Zealander who says "you sheerin' mate?" and the first guy replies "naw, they're all mine"

Why does a squirrle swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur
A lickalotopis

A man is driving happily along when he is pulled over by the police. The copper approaches him and politely asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?"
"Why?" snorts the man. "Is there a fat bird in my car?"

On a cold, cold night two bulls are standing in a field. One says "Boy it's mighty cold out here!", the other says "Yes, I think I might slip into a nice Jersey".

If I had a rooster and you had a donkey and your donkey ate my rooster. What would you have?
2 ft. of my cock in your ass.

What's slimy cold long and smells like pork
Kermit the frogs finger

what is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12

heello, iss tthhatt thhee sshhoop iii boouugghht thhee vviibbrrattorr ffrroomm. yes. ccaann yyoouu tteell mmee hhooww ttoo ttuurrnn tthhee ffuucckkiinngg tthhiinngg ooffff.

What's the difference between erotic and kinky?
Erotic = using a feather
Kinky = using the whole chicken

Why are men like cars?
Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming.

Whats the Diffenence between kinky and perverted?
Kinky is when you tickle your girl friends ass with a feather.
Perverted is when you use the whole chicken...

A girl went into a doctors office with a Strawberry up her ass, The doctor said I've got some "Cream" For that.

Why was the washing machine laughing?
Because it was taking the piss out the underpants.

What do you do with a years worth of used condoms?
Melt them, turn them into tire and call it a goodyear.

What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?
Your wife will always blow your bonus!

A man goes to a fancy dress party wearing nothing but a jamjar on his cock.
A lady asks "What are you dressed as?"
He says a fireman!
You break the glass, pull the knob and I'll cum as fast as I can.

A duck walks into a bar and the bartender asks him what have u been doing the duck says blowing bubbles another duck walks in bartender asks the same thing duck responds same thing the third duck comes in and bartender asks him what hes been doing then he says let me guess blowing bubbles duck says no i am bubbles.