What do you call a nigger with a peg leg?
Shit on a stick! -joe

Why do niggers always have sex on their minds?
Because they have pubes on their heads! -Bo

What does Pontiac stand for?
Poor Old Nigger Thinks It's A Cadillac! -ricky

Did you hear the one about . .
. . the baby nigger who went to heaven and got his wings? He said, "God! Look! I'm an angel!", and God said, "No you stupid nigger! You're a bat, now eff off!"

I like black people . . .
. . I used to have some black friends 'till my dad sold them!

What does a nigress and an ice hockey player have in common?
They both change their pads after 3 periods! -ashmoor

Why do blacks have white hands and feet?
They were on all fours when God spray painted them!

Why do black people have white hands?
They were up against the wall when God spray painted them!

Why do black people have white hands?
Everyone has some good in them! -bonz

Why do black people have white hands?
It rubs off the cop cars! -bonz

Why do more niggers get hit by cars in the winter?
They're easier to spot! -brenden

What do you call two blacks on one bike?
Organized crime! -bobo

Why are niggers getting stronger?
T.V.s are getting bigger! -tim

What happened to the nigger who had an abortion?
Crime Stoppers sent her a check for $500! -tim

Why don't nigger bitchs wear panties to picnics?
To keep the flies away from the chicken! -michael

What's the difference between a truck full of baby niggers and a truck full of bowling balls?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork!

What does FUBU stand for?
Farmers Used to Buy Us

What does FUBU stand for?
Farmers Used to Beat Us

Why don't sharks eat niggers?
They think its whale shit!

Why do niggers call white people "honkies"?
Thats the last sound they hear before they get hit! -davey

What do they do with dead niggers in California?
Gut them to make wetsuits! -kara

Why does L.A. have so many fags and N.Y. so many niggers?
L.A. had first choice! -David

What do you call a chinese nigger with AIDS?
Coon Die Soon - David

What does NAACP stand for?
Niggers Against All Caucasian People

What does NAACP stand for?
Now Apes Are Called People -Brandon

Why did God give niggers big dicks?
As a way to say "sorry" for putting pubes on their heads! -igor

Why do niggers wear wide brimmed hats?
So birds won't shit on their lips! -Tim

Why was white chocolate invented?
So nigger kids could get messy too! -Kev

What do you call a niggers car?
A 'blood vessel'. -Dean

What do you call 1,000 niggers going down a hill?
A mudslide! -robbie

What do Nikes and the KKK have in common?
They both make niggers run fast! -Jimmy

Why is there no black Miss America pageant?
Nobody want's to be Ms. Idaho! -Zeigler

What do you get when you cross a nigger and a gorilla?
A dumb gorilla! -Adam

What do you call a nigger having sex?
Rape! -Adam

How many polacks does it take to clean a bathroom?
None, it's a niggers job! -Sheeky

White folks aren't racist . .
. . we've all got colored TV's! -bob

Why do niggers hate asperin?
Because it's white and it works! -Christian

A nigger walks into a bar and says, "Yo! Where do all the homies hang?". The bartender says, "out there", pointing to a tree in the back. -jon

What do you call an Ethiopian on a hunger strike?
An Ethiopian! -Jeremy

How many niggers does it take a shingle a roof?
It depends how thin you slice them! -Donald

How do you get a nigger out of a tree?
Cut the rope!

Why don't nigger babies play in sandboxes?
Cats keep trying to bury them! -Donald

What do you call 60,000 niggers on a plane heading back to Africa?
A good start! -Donald

What do you call a nigger hiding in the woods?
A brown recluse! -Donald

What do you call a black bowling ball?
A nigger egg. -J

What did God say when he made the first nigger?
Oops! I put the pubes on his head! -J

What was missing from the Million Man March?
About a thousand miles of chain and an auctioneer!

What do Confederates do on the New Year?
Shoot niggers with roman candles and throw Confetti! -ozz

How do you get a nigger to wear a condom?
Put a Nike logo on it! -c

How do you keep a nigger bitch pleased?
Give her some fried chicken! -Andrea

What do you call 1,000 niggers at the bottom of the sea?
A good start! -Sebastian

What did God say when he made the second nigger?
Oops! Burnt another one! -Nick

Why haven't any niggers died from West Nile virus?
Mosquitos don't land on shit, only flies do! -eGod

What did the nigger get on his SATs?
Barbecue sauce! -Mike

Why don't niggers like blow jobs?
Niggers don't like ANY jobs! -Jesse Dawson

What is a nigger?
Proof that skunks fuck monkeys! -Jesse Dawson

What happened when the Nigger looked up his family tree?
A gorilla shat on his face! -Steve

What do you call a busload of niggers going off a cliff with one empty seat?
A crying shame! -sean

What do you call 1,000 niggers at the bottom of the sea?
A good start! -Sebastian

Why is a nigger like a vending machine?
Neither work, but they both take your money! -Kyle

Why are blacks so tall?
Their knee grows. -Nigger Hater

What do you call a bunch of old niggers in a barn?
Antique farm equiptment!

What do you call a black man with a pole in his back?
Shit on a stick! -mark

Why do they put cotton in pill bottles?
To remind the niggers they used to pick cotton before they were drug dealers! -coady

Why was the nigger with diarrea freaking out?
He thought he was melting! -Robyn

Why does Stevie Wonder always smile?
He doesn't know he's black. -J

What's the difference between bigfoot and a working nigger?
Bigfoot's been spotted! -big jake

What's the definition of Mass Confusion?
Fathers day in Harlem! -jedthrow

What do you call a nigger with an afro?
Microphone. -Nikki

What do you call two blacks in a bodybag?
Twix! -Nikki

Why are there only 2 pall bearer at a niggers funeral?
A garbage can only has two handles! -mike

What does a nigger give his kid for his birthday?
YOUR bike! -mike

Why shouldn't you throw rocks at a nigger driving by?
It could be your car! -mike

Why did the man take off his watch to grab a handful of jelly beans?
He was afraid the blacks would steal it!

How do we know Adam wasn't black?
Ever try taking a rib from a black guys?

What's long, dark and stinks?
The unemployment line!

Why do niggers and spics always have nice clothes, jewelry and cars but still live in shitty houses?
They haven't figured out how to steal houses yet! -Johnny Reb

Why can't Ray Charles or Stevie Wonder read?
They're niggers!

A woman meets a black guy and invites him back to her place. She handcuffs herself to the bed and screams, "Do what you black men do best!". The nigger grabs the TV and runs! -Alex

What's blue and hangs in my front yard? My nigger! I'll paint him whatever color I want!

What's a black mans fortune cookie? A peice of cornbread with a food stamp in the middle! -Frank

How does a niggress take a pregnancy test? She sticks a banana up her pussy, if it comes out half-eaten you know there's another monkey on the way! -Wo

What's 8 miles long and has a combined IQ of 56? The Martin Luther King Day parade! -Mr. KKK

What's the difference between a nigger and Batman? Batman can go out at night without Robbin -Crystal

What did Lincoln say after a three day drinking binge?
I freed WHO? -Jesse Dawson

What's the worst thing you can call a black man, starting with N and ending with R?
Neighbor! -Subzie

A redneck is driving down the road one day and see's a sign that says coon season is in. He goes a bit further down the road and see a field of niggers picking watermelons. He stops, takes out his gun and starts shooting. A cop comes up and asks him what he's doing so he says, "I saw a sign back there that said coon season was in!", the cop says, "yea, but you're hunting in a baited field!" -sam

Why do niggers eat Tootsie Rolls with a fork?
So they don't bite off their fingers! -Nettie

What's the difference between a nigger and a bag of shit?
The bag!

What do you call the million man march in the rain?
"Gorillas in the mist" -Jethro

Once there was a nigger who decided to have a bar-b-q on the front lawn of the local church. Another nigger walked up and told him he'd better leave before the priest came out and called the cops since all the spooks knew the priest was a racist. The doors of the church swung open and the second nigger jumped into the bushes. The priest came out and he could see the priest was upset, but couldn't hear what he was saying. He saw the priests arms go up, down, left and right and then he went back inside.

The nigger came out from the bush and asked his friend how he'd gotten the priest to bless him! The first nigger said he wasn't being blessed, the priest pointed up and said, "Nigger! Get your Bar-B-Q", pointed down and said, "your nigger friend hiding in the bush", pointed left to right and said, "and get the fuck out!" -Travis

You're So Black
You're so black you blead coffee.

You're so black you could leave a hand print in charcoal.

You're so black you went to night school and the teacher counted you absent.

Snap!!! Snap!!!
I bloke walked into a bar with a crocodile on a lead. He walked up to the bar man and said:

"I'll have a beer please... and a black manfor the croc"
"Very well" said the Barman. He pulled the man his pint and went and got a dead black man from out the back. He threw it across the bar and the crocodile ate it.

The bloke went back up to the bar and the barman said:

"Same again?"

"Aye" said the man with the crocodile... and I'll have another nigger for the croc. Sure enough the bloke had his pint and the croc had his black man.

The bloke went back up to the bar. The barman said
"Same again Sir?"

"Aye" said the bloke..."and I'll have another black man for the crock."

"I'm sorry Sir, but we don't have any dead black man left," said the barman,"how about a pygmy?"

"No" said the bloke, "he doesn't drink shorts."

They are BURNING!
Pepito was hit by a car, died, and went to heaven. And everyone who goes to heaven has to work. God went up to Pepito, and said: Pepito, you are going to make babies. Here is this wheel, and every time you turn it, a baby will come out. For hours, Pepito spun the wheel at full speed,then he started to get tired. As he was slowing down, a black baby came out...and Pepito replied: Damn! I better hurry because they are burning!

Gotta Stop for a Black Man
There are 3 guys. A jew, mexican, and a black man. These 3 guys were in the middle of nowhere and were stranded with no way of transportation to get to town. Well, they thought of this idea to have one of them lay down in the middle of the road and figured a car would stop and they would have a ride. So, the jew went and laid in the road. A car came and thump thump, ran him right over. Ah man, it didn't work, but its gotta. You try it. The mexican went out on the road and a car came and thump thump, ran him right over. Dangn't, this is such a good idea, they gotta stop for a black man. So the black man went out on the road and car came. Thump thump, errrrrt, reerrrrrr thump thump, thump thump, thump thump.

New White Kid
There is this black kid that goes to school and notices that the teachers treat the white kids better than the black kids. So he goes home and paints himself white and shows his dad. Hey dad look im white! His dad kicks his ass, and says alright go show your mother. Hey mom look im white! His mom beats the shit out of him then says go show your gradma. Hey gradma look im white she beats his ass and sends him to his room. About an hour later all the family comes to his room and says have you learned anything from this? The kid says yeah ive learned i have only been white for an hour and I already hate 3 niggers.

Black And His Son
A black man and his son are on a plane heading home back to Africa. During the plane flight theres a problem, the plane is overweight. On the overhead an annoucement comes on. "We are having overweight problems so we are going to have to throw some people off of the back of the plane, we'll start in alphabetical order. Will all african americans please stand up and move to the back of the plane". The Son stands up and the father says "sit down." "Will all black people please stand up and goto the back of the plane." The Son stands up father says "sit down." "Will all cloured people please stand up and move to the back of the plane." The Son stands up the father says "sit down." The son then says "But dad, if were not african americans, blacks, or coloured, what are we?" "Today were Niggers son."

Magical River
A black family of four hears about a magical river that can turn them white if they swim across so they go and the dad and mom swim across, and they come out white, the dauhter jumps in and swims across and she turn white, so the son trys to swim but the current takes him and the little girl goes up to dad and goes, daddy daddy Kobe just got taken by the current and the dad says, "Ah, fuck that nigger".

Halloween Costumes
A black man and his wife were going to a Halloween party in a couple of days. The husband tells his wife to go to the store and get costumes for them to wear. When he comes home that night he goes to the bedroom and laid out on the bed is a Superman costume. The husband yells at his wife, "What are you doing? Have you ever heard of a black Superman? Take this back and get me something else I can wear." The next day the wife not too happy, returns the costume and gets a replacement. The husband comes home from work once more and there laid out on the bed was a Batman costume. He again yells at his wife, "What are you doing? Have you ever heard of a black Batman? Take this back and get me something I can wear to the costume party." By this time the wife is irate, so the next morning she goes shopping. When the husband comes home again from work there laid out on the bed are three items. One is a set of three white buttons, another is a white belt, and the third item is a 2 x 4 of wood. The husband yells at the wife, "What the hell are these for?" The wife yells back, "You can take your clothes off and take the three white buttons and put them on the front of you and go as a domino, and if you don't like that one, you can take the belt and put it on and go as an Oreo cookie, and if you don't like that one, you can stick the 2 x 4 up your ass and go as a fudgesicle!

Black One-liners (Submitted by users)
Q: What happens when you stick you hand in a jar of jellybeans?
A: The black ones steal your watch.

Q: How do you start a black parade?
A: Roll a 40 down the street.

Q: Why do blacks burry their dead upside down?
A: Use em as bike racks.

Q: How did they improve the transportation in harlem?
A: Move the trees closer together.

Q: What did the black girl say while having sex?
A: Dad get off me your crushing my ciggs.

Q: Why are black people like jelly beans?
A: No one likes the black ones.

Q: What do you call a school bus full of black people?
A: A rotten banana

Q: What was the only thing missing from the million man march?
A. An auctionner

Q: How long does it take a black lady to shit?
A: 9 months.

Q: What do you call 100 black guys baried from the neck down?
A: Afroturf.

Q: Why are blacks afried of lawnmovers?
A: Beacuse it gose run nigger nigger run.

Q: What do you call a barn full of blacks?
A: Antique farm equipment.

Q: What do u call a black priest?
A: Holy shit

Q: What does the BFI on the dumpsters stand for?
A: Black Family Inside

Q: Have you ever seen a black person on the jetsons?
A: NO. Looks like a good future doesn't it?

Q: What do you call a black person in a three piece suit?
A: Will the defendent please rise.

Q: What do u do when your sitting in the dark and your tv starts to float?
A: You turn on the lights and shoot the black people.

Q: What do you call 20,000 black people at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start.

Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead black person in the road?
A: There's skid marks in front of the skunk.

Q: Why are black people so good at Basketball?
A: Cause all you have to do is RUN ... SHOOT ... and STEAL

Q: What do you do if you see a black man flopping around on the ground?
A: Stop laughing and reload

Q: What Do You call Mike Tyson if he has no arms or legs?
A: Nigger, Nigger, Nigger!!!!

Q: What do you call a group of blacks in the ocean?
A: An oil spill

Q: What do you call a pool full of black kids?
A: Cocoa puffs

Q: What do you call a 80 year old black guy?
A: Antique farm equipment.

Q: Why do police dogs lick their balls?
A: To get the taste of negro out of thier mouths

Young Racists
A 5 year old black boy walks up to a 5 year old white boy and says, "My daddy's goy a car. When he honks the horn it goes 'honkey honkey'". Little white boy says, "shit, my daddys got a chain saw when he starts it up it goes 'run nigga nigga run'".

Robot Caddy
A golfer walks into the clubhouse of the local country club. He tells the golf pro behind the counter that he wants to do 18 and he is going to need a caddy. The golf pro informs him that the country club is running a promotion and if he tries out one of their experimental robot caddies, he can golf for free. The golfer agrees and takes out the robot. While on the golf course the robot caddy tells the golfer the wind speed, distance, even how hard to hit which club. He has the best game of his life.

The next time the golfer goes to the country club, he tells the golf pro that he wants to do 18 holes and that he wants to get one of the robot caddies.

He informs the golfer that they don't have the robot caddies anymore. The golfer, all upset, tells him how great they were and asks him what happened.

The golf pro tells him that members were complaining that the sun would reflect of their metallic material and into their eyes.

The golfer asks him why they didn't just paint the robots black?

The golf pro said that they did, but the next day, 3 of them didn't show up and the other 3 robbed the pro shop.

It is hard being black.
It is hard being black. We get the bad end of the deal with every sport. Hockey your slappin a black puck around. Pool you have a white ball trying to knock you in a hole. The only thing we have is bowling, where you have a black ball trying to knock down a bunch of rednecks.

No Mexicans Please
A U.S. Navy cruiser pulled into port in Mississippi for a week's liberty.The first evening, the Captain was more than a little surprised to receive the following letter from the wife of a wealthy plantation owner:

"Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter Melinda's, coming of age party. I would like you to send four well mannered, handsome, unmarried officers. They should arrive at 8 p.m. prepared for an evening of polite southern conversation and dance with lovely young ladies. One last point: No, Mexicans. We don't like Mexicans."

Sure enough, at 8 p.m. on Thursday, the lady heard a rap at the door. She opened the door to find, in dress uniform, four exquisitely mannered, smiling black officers. Her jaw hit the floor, but pulling herself together she stammered, "There must be some mistake!"

"On no, madam," said the first officer, "Captain Martinez doesn't make mistakes."

The Mexican
A Mexican family crosses over the border to the Land of Milk and Honey where the streets are paved with gold. But the husband can find no work.

His family is hungry, so he takes a walk to a quiet place at the foot of a big hill, kneels at the base of a tree, and begins to pray: "Sweet Jesus, please show me a way to feed my family..."

Eyes closed, the Mexican does not see the BLACK man coming over the top of the hill, who is stumbling wildly with a broken grocery sack. When the Mexican man opens his eyes, a large wheel of cheddar cheese rolls down the hill an lands at his feet!

"Oh, thank you Jesus, thank you!" he cries, grabs the cheese, and runs straight home. Upon returning home, he gives the cheese to his wife and instructs her to make nachos.

"But wouldn't you rather have cheese enchiladas and burritos and other things?" she inquires. "No," the husband says, "Jesus sent this to me with a message... As I ran home,

I kept hearing Him yell, ' THAT'S NACHO CHEESE! THAT'S NACHO CHEESE!'

Black One Liners
Q: Why are aspirins white?
A: Because they work.

Q: How did the black girl know her mother was on the rag?
A: Her brothers dick tasted funny.

Q: What has six legs and goes: "Ho-de-do, ho-de-do, ho-de-do"?
A: Three blacks running for the elevator.

Q: What's the definition of the word "Confusion"?
A: Father's day in Harlem.

Q: Do you know why so many blacks were killed in Vietnam?
A: Because every time the seargeant said: "Get down!" they stood up and started dancing.

Q: What did God say when he saw the first black person?
A: Ooops, I burnt one!

Q: Why is Stevey Wonder Smiling all the time?
A: He doesn't know he's black.

Q: Blacks took over Toys R us.
A: The renamed it to We B toys.

Q: A black guy and a Mexican guy opened a restaurant.
A: It's called Nacho Mama.

Q: What do you get when you cross an Eskimo with a black person?
A: A Snowblower that Doesn't work!

Q: What do you call an Negro with a peg leg?
A: Shit on a stick.

Q: What does an apple and a Negro have in common?
A: They both look soooo pretty hanging from a tree.

Q: How do you starve a black man?
A: Put his food stamps in his work boots.

Q: Why don't blacks like Tylenol?
A: They have to pick cotton to get to them.

Q: What did the black women get for getting an abortion?
A: Fat cash from crime stoppers.

Q: What does a black person get for Christmas?
A: Your bike!!!

Q: How do you keep black people out of your back yard?
A: Hang one in the front!!

Q: What is the difference between a black and a bucket of shit?
A: The bucket.

Q: Why do you never hit a black on a bike?
A: Because it is probably your bike.

Q: Why are black people so tall?
A: Because their knee grows.

Q: Why do black people wear hats covering their face?
A: So the birds don't shit on their lips.

Q: What is white with a black asshole?
A: The A-Team

Q: How many black people does it take to single a roof?
A: Depends on how thin you slice um.

Q: How many black people does it take to pave a road?
A: Depends on how heavy the roller is.

Q: When is the only time u concentrate on a black man.
A: Behind the eyepiece of your rifle.

Q: What's the difference between batman and a blackman?
A: Batman can go to the store with out robin.

Q: What's the difference between shit and a black?
A: Eventually Shit turns white and stops stinking.

Q: Is it better to be born black or gay?
A: Black - because you don't have to tell your folks.

Q: How do they say "fuck you" in Los Angeles?
A: Trust me.

Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: An interracial couple in a car wreck.

Q: How many blacks does it take to clean a toilet?
A: None, it's a woman's job.

Q: What's the definition of black foreplay?
A: Don't scream or I'll kill you.

Q: How do you know Adam and Eve weren't black?
A: Ever try and take a rib from a black.

Q: Who won the race down the tunnel, the black or the Pole?
A: The Pole because the black had to stop to write "motherfucker" on the wall.

Q: What do you get when you cross a black and a groundhog?
A: 6 more weeks of basketball season.

Q: Why do blacks always have sex on their minds?
A: Because of the pubic hair on their heads.

Q: Did you hear about the new black French restaurant?
A: It's called Chez What.

Q: What did Lincoln say after his five day drunk?
A: I freed whom.

Q: What's long, black and smelly?
A: The unemployment line.

Q: Why don't blacks like blowjobs?
A: They don't like any jobs.

Q: What do you get when you cross a black prostitute with a Chinese woman?
A: A broad that sucks shirts.

Q: Why do blacks raise chickens?
A: To teach their kids how to walk.

Q: How do you make a black nervous?
A: Take him to an auction.

Q: What do you call a black prostitute with braces?
A: A black and Decker pecker wrecker.

Q: What do you call a black test tube baby?
A: Janitor in a drum.

Q: Why do blacks smell so bad?
A: So the blind can hate them too.

Q: How did they invent break dancing?
A: Trying to steal the hubcaps off a moving car.

Q: Why did God invent golf?
A: So white people could dress up like blacks.

Q: What do you call a black man in Thailand?
A: A tycoon.

Q: Why do blacks keep their fly's open?
A: In case they have to count to eleven.

Q: What do you call a black man in a tree?
A: A branch manager.

Q: What's the most confusing day in Harlem?
A: Father's day.

Q: Who are the two most famous black women in history?
A: Aunt Jemima and Mutha Fucker.

Q: How do you stop a black baby from crying?
A: Wet his lips and stick him to the wall.

Q: Did you hear that the KKK bought the movie rights to Roots?
A: They're going to play it backwards so it has a happy ending.

Q: What do you call 4 blacks in a 57 chevy?
A: Blood vessel.

Q: Why do blacks wear white gloves?
A: So they don't bite their fingers eating tootsie rolls.

Q: What is black and has four legs and goes Hol De Doe, Hol De Doe?
A: Two blacks running for the elevator.

Q: Why did God invent the climax?
A: So blacks would know when to stop fucking.

Q: Why did so many blacks get killed in the war?
A: When the Colonel yelled get down, they all got up and danced.

Q: What's the definition of worthless?
A: A 7'2" black man with a small prick, that can't play basketball.

Q: What do you call a black with a new bike?
A: A thief.

Q: What do you call a black with a new caddie?
A: A better thief.

Q: Why don't black kids jump on their beds?
A: Because they'll stick to the velcro on the ceiling.

Q: How do you get them down once they're stuck?
A: Tell Mexican kids they're pinatas.

Q: Did you hear about Klu Klux Kneivel?
A: He tried to jump over 8 blacks with a steam roller.

Q: How can you tell when a black as been on your computer?
A: It is not there.

Q: What do you call a black with no arms?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: Why do black women where high heels?
A: So their knuckles don't drag.

Q: What do you call a black guys condom?
A: A duffle bag.

Q: Why are black guys eyes red after sex? A: From the pepper spray.

Q: What do you call one white guy surrounded by 10,000 black guys?
A: Warden.

Q: What do you call one white guy surrounded by 10 black guys?
A: The quarterback.

Q: Whats wrong with 5 blacks driving a Cadillac off of a cliff?
A: The car holds 6.

Q: How do you get a black man out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.

Q: What do you call a black person on birth-control?
A: Crime prevention.

Black Hair
The black dude walked into the house to see his wife dancing seductively in front of him. "Hey babe," he said. "Where'd you get that grass skirt?" "That aint no grass skirt," she replied. "I had my hair straightened."

Heart Transplant
An old Souther planter goes into the hospital and is informed by the doctor that his condition is pretty serious. In fact, he's going to require a heart transplant.

"Well, doctor," drawls the planter, "you'd best get on with it. But whatever you do, just don't give me the heart of a black man."

When he comes out of the anaesthetic, the doctor is leaning over his bedside anxiously. "Cal," he says, "I got to use a black man's heart." Cal pales. "But the good news is: your dick is three inches longer.

The Genie
A black guy knew he had it made when the old brass bottle he found in the back yard turned out to have a genie in it. Any three wishes he had would be granted, the genie informed him.

"I wanna be rich," said the black man. The back yard filled up with chests of gold coins and jewels in the blink of an eye.

"I'm no fool," said the black man. "I wanna be white." And there he stood, white, blonde-haired and blue-eyed.

"Thirdly, I never want to work another day in my life." And he was black again.

Ghetto Test
If the statement is true add the points in parenthesis to your score.
Scoring is given at the bottom of the test.

1. You've ever used an album cover or old envelope for a dustpan. (5 points)
2. You've ever put foil on your TV antennas to get better reception. (8 points)
3. You've ever had to use pliers to turn your TV on. (7points)
4. You had to come in the house when the street lights came on. (6 points)
5. You had a candy lady in your neighborhood. (5 + 5 extra points if your house was the candy lady)
6. If you can count more than five police cars in your neighborhood on a daily basis. (3 points)
7. If you ever had to pick your own switch or belt. (3 points for each)
8. If you've ever been beaten with an extension cord. (15 points)
9. If you have ever had to walk to or home from school. (2 points)
10. If you've ever passed someone a note asking "Do you like me?" or "Can I have a chance?" check _yes, _no or _maybe. (7 points)
11. If you have ever used dish washing liquid for bubble bath. (9points)
12. If you have ever mixed up some Kool-Aid and the found that you didn't have any sugar. (4 points & add 4 if you put the pitcher in the refrigerator until you got some sugar)
13. If you have ever played any of the following games. (2 points each): (hide and go seek, freeze tag, captain or momma may I?, or red light..yellow light..green light 123!)
14. If your neighborhood had an ice cream man. (2 points + 2 if he rang a bell + 5 if he played R&B)
15. If you remember any of the following candies. (1 point each): cherry clans, lemon heads, Alexander the grape, ring pops, Chico sticks, baked beans, candy cigarettes, powder packs with the white dip stick, big league chew, "Wine" Candy (jolly ranchers), jaw breakers, and candy necklaces.
16. If you refer to Now and Laters candies as "Nighladers". (6 points)
17. If you've ever ran from the police on foot. (5 points + 5 if you got away)
18. If you remember underoos or the Wonder Woman bra and panty set. (6 points + 4 if you owned some)
19. If you've ever had reusable grease in a container on your stove. (5 points)
20. The batteries in your remote control are held in by a piece of tape. (5 points)
21. If you've ever used any of the following for drinking glasses. (3 points each): jelly jars, mayonnaise jars, mason jars, or peanut butter jars.
22. You've ever covered your furniture in plastic. (2 points)
23. The heels of your feet have ever looked like you had been kicking flour. (1point)
24. If you have ever worn any of the following fragrances. (1 point each): Brute, Hai Karate, Jean Nate, Old Spice, Chloe, English Leather, Stetson, Charlie, or Faberge'.
25. You've ever used Tussy. (9 points)
26. You've never been to the dentist. (10 points + 10 if you've never been to the doctor.)
27. You've ever wore clothes with the tag still on them. (4 points)
28. If you're acquainted with someone with a name as follows. (3 points): Kay-Kay, Lee-Lee, Ree-Ree, Ray-Ray, etc.
29. You have ever paged yourself for any reason. (3 points)
30. You've ever worn house shoes outside of the house. (2 points)
31. You add "ED" or "T" to the end of words already in the past tense (for example, Tooked, Light-Skinneded, kilt, ruint, etc). (3 points)
32. You pronounce words like this (1 point for each example you can think of skrimps or strimps, skreet, axe (ask), member (remember), frigerator, etc.
33. You use nem' to describe a certain group of people (for example Craig and nem' or momma and nem'). (6 points)
34. You've ever had a crack across your windshield and never bothered to get it fixed. (3 points)
35. You've ever driven on a donut more than 2 weeks after your flat. (4 points)
36. You've ever asked a perfect stranger to take a picture with you and told your friends it was someone you dated. (3 points)
37. Your child drops his/her pacifier and you sanitize it by sucking it. (7 points)
38. If you've ever ran a race barefoot in the middle of the street at approximately 11 at night. (10 points)
39. You've ever left a social gathering with a plate. (1 point)
40. You leave a restaurant with silverware, sugar, and/or jelly. (8 points)
41. You think "red" is a flavor of Kool-Aid. (4 points)
42. You can't hold a glass because of the length of your nails. (3 points)
43. The gold teeth in your mouth spell words. (8 points)
44. You don't have your own place but your child has a leather coat and a pair of Jordan's. (5 points)
45. If you've ever had to get to the driver's side of the car through the passenger side door. (8 points)
46. You have ever slept in a chair to avoid messing up your hair. (7 points)
47. You constantly hit *69 and ask, "Did you just call here?" (10 points)
48. You won't answer the phone if you don't recognize the number on the caller id box. (7 points)
49. You know a child who can't speak, but can do the "bank-head bounce." (15 points)
50. You think Tupac is still alive. (20 points)

0 - 30 - You have enjoyed a nice sheltered life in the suburbs.
31 - 60 - Hood movies have given you a little exposure.
61 - 100 - You may have visited the hood a few times or on weekends.
101 - 130 - You probably spent a few years in the hood, and moved to the suburbs.
131 - 160 - You're the genuine article. You are no stranger to hood life.
161 - 200 - You are definitely, without a doubt an expert on life in the hood.
201+ - Congratulations! You are Ghetto Fabulous!